Oh. My. God.

Anyone who really knows me knows these things about me:

(1) I am totally phobic about food storage and food preparation. I am convinced that everything will give me food poisoning.

(2) I love to bake.

(3) I'm a stickler for punctuation.

(4) I know way too much about desert tortoises and will tell you about them until you are sorry that you asked.

This post only concerns the first two bulletpoints, though.

My cousin Amy recently blogged about this charming episode.

It should be noted that the original poster, when determining that perhaps this cake mix was "only sold in the U.S.", neglected to notice that the box has "flavor" spelled with a "u" and that the weight on the box is listed in grams, not ounces. Thus... it's pr'y not American.

Note also that I didn't change the original poster's interesting punctuation and spelling choices. Okay, fine... I changed one misspelled word. I couldn't help myself!

I can only hope that this is a totally fake story.

Anyway.... enjoy! Try not to throw up in your mouth!


Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Too Good NOT to post!

A nice post from a blog that my friend Brian (Heather's Husband), found on a website.
Good God. Have you ever done something you thought was ‘normal’, and then found out about how bad it was later? Much to your horror?

Meet the 17 Year Old Cake.



Gather around my children and I shall tell you a tale.

My friend had received a cake mix in a food donation box she was given around Christmas or so. Many destitute people in our area receive them, and think nothing of them. The odd time, you’ll find an expired/near-expired food item, but it’s nothing to be concerned about.

One day, while in a raging-afternoon hunger, we decided to make said pudding cake to quell said hunger.

Preparation was the same as any pudding cake, as were the ingredients. After a brief wait, the cake had cooled and was ready to be eaten. I walked up to it and commented on how it smelled of cherry Jell-O. I suppse this shoudln’t have been a surprise, as the ’sauce’ that is sprinkled on it while baking was reminiscent texture-wise of Cherry Jell-O powder.

We each dug out a bowlful, and began to chow down. I don’t think I managed more than three bites, and my friend managed even less. We thought it was just awful.

“It tastes like cough syrup.”
“This is nasty.”
“At least my cold went away.”
We disposed of the nastiness that was Robin Hood Cherry Pudding Cake, and then it hit me.
“Grace?”
“Mmnn?”
“Why have I never seen this cake in the stores?”
“Beats me. I checked the box. There’s no expiry date.”

It was true. After scanning the box several thorough times, there was nothing. Not even a lot number. I was now officially paranoid. I decided to do some research on the internet for this cake. Perhaps they only sold it in the US?

No luck. There wasn’t even a mention of this cake anywhere online. Not on the Robin Hood site, nor Wiki, nor Google. (I e-mailed Robin Hood to inquire about the cake, but to this day, I’ve never received a response.)

The only real identifying mark on the box, was the company address. I decided to do a Google search on that. Much to my dismay, I discovered something shocking. The last time that company worked from that address, was in 1989.

1989.
The cake was from 1989. At LEAST. That was the LAST the company was at that address. So the cake was at least 17 years old.

Blech.

I can honestly say, that was one hell of a cake. I suppose it wasn’t BAD for 17 year old cake mix. But good god. Who donated that thinking of how old it was? Perhaps it was donated after some old broad died and they cleared out her cupboards.
-shudders- If you ever come upon something questionable, do us all a favor and throw it out. Please don’t donate it.
-wince-

American Idol, here we come

Colin has taken to making up songs now. This little ditty, sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques", was debuted today, on the swings at the park, and name-drops two friends of his from school. Sing along!

I saw spider, I saw spider
Dormez nous? Dormez nous?
Who will touch the spider? Who will touch the spider?
Colby and Chase! Colby and Chase!

Somewhere in Orange County, a math teacher silently weeps

My neighbor, a really cool woman, has just had it with her job. She wants to "stay home" (as if you ever do!) with her kids, help her husband with his business, and get the house cleaned up. She's tired of tripping over crap, tired of staying up past midnight to get everything done, tired of going in to work. How tired? Check out this phone conversation from four o'clock this afternoon...


Neighbor: I need to use this Dell coupon before midnight.

Me: Oh, okay.

Neighbor: It expires at midnight Eastern Time... damn, it's pr'y too late.

Me (after a pause): No, it's okay - that's 9 p.m. our time.

Neighbor: Even after the time change?


Hang in there until July, Neighbor Friend! You can make it!

Twelve years posting... and counting

I just realized the other day that I put up my first website in Spring 1996 as part of a computer sciences class I was taking in college. I started posting "linguistic rants" every month and continued to do so for years. It was arduous work, let me tell you; "blogging" as we know it now, in its easy-to-post format, didn't exist! (And I was just barely out of using a text-based browser... oh my God.) Memories!

That's French for "biting off more than you can chew"

Colin prepares for National Library Week (April 13-19) with some light reading.

How you know someone's an engineer and has played "Dark Side of the Moon" while watching "The Wizard of Oz"

We were at Outback Steakhouse tonight. Colin and I were outside, and he noticed a landscape light in the garden, pointed right up to the sky.

Colin: Mommy, look - a light!

Me: Wow, yeah.

Nerdy engineer eavesdropping on our conversation, to Colin: Yeah, that's so if you want to lay on the sky, you can read a book upside down.

Colin: (silent blank stare)

How You Can Tell That Someone Is an Engineer and English Is Not Their First Language

Overheard at the YMCA tonight:

"Yeah, you need real weights. Nothing's like the real Dr. McCoy."

At least she got paid...

Got into a conversation with two women at the chiropractic office regarding why we are named what we are. (Got that?)

One woman said, "I've never liked my name. It's 'Marsha'. I asked my mom years and years ago about why she named me that. Apparently, there was a young woman in our town who was beautiful and always had a lot of boyfriends. She was quite popular. Her name was 'Marsha', so my mom chose the name for me."

"Well, that's nice," the other woman and I conceded.

"Yes," she continued, "But years later, I wanted to find out what happened to Marsha. Well, I found out why she was so popular. Marsha was a hooker! My mother named me after a hooker!"

Ah, hindsight...

I am not kidding you

On a coffee run this morning, I noticed the "Employee of the Month" for March 2008 is....

Rich Folk.

That's right, Rich Folk.

Reminds me of a girl I went to school with, Penelope Banks. Who went by "Penny". Penny Banks.

Ka-ching!

My little love!

A photo from July - but just recently received; we attended a housewarming/anniversary party on July 4th at our acquaintances' beautiful new mansion. Colin was tasting chocolate milk for the first time... and wouldn't even put the box down for a professional photographer! I laugh whenever I see this pic.

Anyway...

This evening, Colin and I were playing with trains while Matt watched. Colin started climbing up onto my lap.

"Mommy... Mommy..." he said.

"What, Colin?"

"I want hold you." (That means "I want you to hold me.")

"Okay, I can hold you."

He looked at me, smiled softly, threw his arms around my neck, and said, "Mommy, best friend, everything."

Needless to say, he got a HUGE hug!

Maybe I should just call him "Poops"

When Colin was a baby - besides calling him "Mijo" - I would call him "Poops". Because that's what he did. A lot.

Matt told me, "Call him 'Mijo' - but please don't call him 'Poops'! He can't go to high school with that as his nickname!"

So Colin, Hayden and I were at the park on Friday. He's in the sandbox, and I see him put something in his mouth. I shout, "Colin! Colin! Don't put that in your mouth! Take it out!" (He does.) "Don't put stuff in your mouth, Colin!" (He then sticks his tongue out to lick the item - hey, he was following directions, right?) "Colin! That doesn't mean lick it! Out!"

This little boy - between three and four years old - starts bawling suddenly. He gets up, clutching his ice cream, cries and cries while looking at me and barreling toward his mother. His mother looks at me and says, "His name is Colin also."

Poor kid thought this strange lady was yelling at HIM, telling HIM to take his ice cream out of his mouth.

What ever happened to making eye contact?

In any case... for "Colin" not being an incredibly popular name, that was quite a coincidence. And kinda funny.

I mean sad. Right? (WINK!)

Still rolling along

Miss Hayden has started social smiling as of last week (four weeks old). She's also going 4-6 hours between bottles at night (hurrah!) as of 2.5 weeks.

What a change from last time! (Don't tell Colin I said that.)

Colin is feeling better after his bout of brochiolitis; I am dying to get back to dance class; and we're rooting like crazy for this guy on "American Idol".

I'm also trying to figure out how to work a minimal amount of hours starting April 1.

Am I starting to enjoy this stay-at-home-mom-thing a little too much?


Let's just say that raising kids is WAY harder than working (well, most jobs, I suppose). But being at work, while rewarding - and a nice break! - isn't as great as seeing these lovely faces and interacting with them.

Speaking of interacting, the other day Colin and I were playing with trains (my new addiction!). I said to Hayden, "What is your big brother going to do with that curved track?" Colin looked at me seriously and said, "Hayden not to talk, Mommy."

Duh, Mom! She's only a month old!

"Mommy, Colin, Baby Sister... everybody LOVE."

Colin proclaimed this while giving us a group hug. Yes, the sibling revelry continues. And this, while he's on at least three different medicines (including 4x/day nebulizer treatments) for brochiolitis. (And I'm stressing about how to keep Hayden well, when Colin keeps trying to show his love for her!)

2008, so far, has been a banner health year for dear Colin!

It can only get better from here, right?

In the meantime, I'm still learning how to do things like make dinner or leave the house with an infant and a toddler. I've also discovered that I can't go to the supermarket unless Colin's at school, because an infant seat and a child cannot fit in a supermarket cart at the same time... unless you're not planning on getting any groceries.

When Colin was an infant, the shopping carts were just being changed over from "put your infant car seat up here, in front of you" to "we don't want your business, because infant car seats don't fit on our new carts, so screw you!"

So, naturally, I bought a new infant sling (because I can't find my New Native Carrier! BOO!) that I can carry Hayden in while Colin rides in the cart. It's a pink and chocolate Peanut Shell, and now I feel rather saucy!

Whatwhat?

So, I've been sitting on the news that my cousin (and fellow blogger) is pregnant for, like, at least a week. Once she announced it to her family this past weekend at her son's first birthday party, I was allowed to tell family members. But I didn't, because I wanted to know how far along she was. She was guessing about 15 weeks, and was excited that she might be all the way through her first trimester (because she was so sick with her son).

She called me yesterday with the results of her ultrasound.

Turns out she's SIX AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT.

Bet I can't tell the story like she can!

Jina hits Kigali

This is Jina. Actually, this is Jina making Colin fall in love with her.

I've known Jina longer than I've known my husband. She's also six years younger than I am, but that doesn't seem to matter.

She's also a total smartie. I'm not kidding you.

She just sent me a great e-mail from Kigali. That's right, the Kigali that's in Rwanda. She's a journalist, so she travels all over the place, writing about exciting things. We were lucky enough to have her visit us just a few weeks ago, when I was thisclose to giving birth to Hayden. She played with Colin and worked her voodoo that she do on him, and we had a lot of fun (when I wasn't complaining about being pregnant).

Check out her blog, and if you have time, see all the things she's written for the CS Monitor (BTW, the story about the human rights statistician was one of the stories she was doing interviews for when she visited us!) or take a look at this old article on her that I'm sure she'll just LOVE you looking at.

Introducing Hayden Rose

The baby is here!

I was scheduled for induction on Wednesday, but Miss Hayden had other ideas (thank goodness - I wasn't hot on the idea of induction because of the greater chance of a C-section).

I awoke Monday, crampy (as usual) and feeling unwell. I got up, used the restroom, and got back into bed as it was only 6:15 a.m. I decided to time my cramps, even though they weren't contractions (I didn't have contractions with Colin, either). They were 10 minutes, then three minutes, then 12 minutes, then eight minutes apart. Hubby got up, and when he came back to bed, I was nearly in tears. I said, "I just don't feel well... I'm so tired of this!" He said, "Don't worry - it will be over soon."

Just seconds later, as I was sitting there, I felt this huge scraping feeling up inside - I swear I could practically hear it. I thought that was weird. Then, about a minute later - a gush of amniotic fluid! I jumped out of bed and said, "Matt - my water broke - call your mom!" He's like, "WHAT????" I said, "Call your mom! Call your mom!" I knew that it would take her about 45 minutes to get to our house - and the doctor had told me, "Don't wait for your water to break to come to the hospital, because things could go quickly after that... just call when your contractions are eight to 10 minutes apart."

Considering that, once again, I didn't have straight-up, traditional contractions, I didn't know that I was in labor until my water broke!

So I was gushing everywhere, and Matt was getting last-minute things together, and Colin woke up (of course). He wanted breakfast (of course). So I wrapped a towel around myself and walked him to the kitchen. I served him cereal ("Barbara's, Cheerios, and big milk, Mommy.") and tried not to focus on my discomfort, while PRAYING that Janine would hurry up and get over to the house.

Colin wanted seconds, but I was feeling so poorly, I told him, "Mommy's not feeling well right now, so you'll have to wait for Daddy." He looked at me, seriously, and said, "Go to hospital - get baby sister - feel better?"

Wow.

Then I started feeling even worse, so Matt called his mom. "Mom, where are you??????" Turned out she made a WRONG TURN. She has been to our house thousands of times in the last five years, and she made a WRONG TURN. Nerves! So I got in the car, started doing some directed breathing (I think!) and clutched the door handle for dear life.

Janine pulled up while Matt was pacing at the door of the garage, trying to watch Colin in the kitchen and me in the car to make sure I wasn't giving birth in the front seat. (He kept saying, "If my mom's not here in five minutes, we're taking Colin to the hospital with us!" And why didn't we have a neighbor watch Colin while we raced out of there, you might ask? Because our neighbors to the right had left for work, and the neighbors to the left weren't answering their phones or door, although they seemed to be home! ARGH!)

Then, of course, there was tons of traffic, so I told Matt, "Put on your hazards, cut people off, I DON'T CARE - JUST GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

By the time I was checked in Labor and Delivery - about an hour after my water broke - I was already at 5 cm.

I got an epidural that was uneven, leaving me still writhing in pain. My left leg ended up numb, while I had rib pain on the left side, abdominal pain on the right, and searing pain (worse-than-my-worst-sciatica-day) through my right butt cheek. The nurse told me to lay on my right side to try to even it out, which ended up helping somewhat, though much whimpering was involved.

Matt and the nurse monitored my contractions, and I saw the nurse's surprise registered in her eyebrows. "You poor dear - your uterus is staying pretty much constantly contracted - I could say that you're contracting every minute or so, but your uterus is pretty much staying hard all of the time!"

Really!

Two hours after I checked in, the nurse said, "Do you feel any pressure?" I did, so she checked me out. She said, "Oh my goodness, the baby's head is right there. I need to call the doctor."

Five minutes later, the doctor arrived. I suddenly felt very serene and calm. I said, "Just tell me when to push, because I can't tell when I'm having a contraction."

The first two pushes, I kind of forgot anything I learned when I had Colin. (As Matt later chided me, "You totally half-assed those first two pushes!") By the third push, it all came back to me. The doctor said, "Okay, we really need to get her out now. Give me one more good push."

The fourth push was the charm, and Hayden Rose was born.

And then there's this....

SOOOOOOO......

I've been communicating by phone with the mother of one of Colin's little friends at school. Apparently, the Giardia situation is way out of control there.

A group of parents (including those of this little boy) were in the office a week ago Monday, demanding more answers about the outbreak. They also did not agree that it was okay to keep the kids who tested "negative" separate from the untested kids, but let all of them play TOGETHER on the playground. (Said one mother who is a pediatrician: "Giardia can live in the water and mud puddles on the playground, and you're not really keeping the kids segregated if they're playing together, anyway!")

The school has set up a meeting, run by the Department of Health, for tomorrow at 4 p.m. Hubby is considering leaving work early to attend. Especially as I passed on the info (that I got from aforementioned mom) that another of Colin's little friends just got his test results back today: *positive*. AND she mentioned something that just blew me away: the teachers are NOT CHANGING GLOVES BETWEEN DIAPER CHANGES FOR EACH KID. If they have three kids lined up for diaper changes and two kids on the little potties, they will wear the SAME GLOVES for all of the diaper changes.

I told the mom, "I can understand that you wear glove for your own protection, but what about preventing communicable disease BETWEEN the kids." She said, "Well, they have kids lined up, so they're just using the same gloves. I know [teacher's name] doesn't change gloves." I said, "If you go to a lab and there are three people lined up for blood tests, the phlebotomist doesn't keep the same gloves on for each person! Oh my God!!!!!!"

My husband said, "Does the Department of Health know about this?"

They might by tomorrow morning, if I have anything to do with it.

Speaking of that, what about OSHA?

Now our big decision is whether Colin should go back to this school. Granted, he's been there 2.5 years and this is the first major thing that's occured. We can either switch him to another daycare, or just have me work only one day per week (with my MIL watching the kids) until he goes to preschool in the fall.

Oh, and the mom also mentioned that a letter was clipped onto the sign-in/out sheet this morning: during an inspection, there was a code violation in that a child (who must've been five or younger!) was walking in the outside corridor on the way to the bathroom, without a parent escort or line-of-sight supervision by a teacher or other staff member. The letter must be signed and returned to the school, showing that we've read it.

Let's not neglect to mention that all of the letters re: Giardia have NOT been sent to our house while Colin's been at home. I wonder if that letter will show up or not.

PEEVED!!!!!

What I'm listening to: Nothing - saving my eardrums for "American Idol"
I just: Ran Colin's bathwater (hubby is watching him)
Now I'm gonna: Get Colin's PJs out of the dryer

Kikkoman takes care of their customers

I wrote to Kikkoman on Sunday, inquiring after their processing of soy and Teriyaki sauces. Hubby and I have been longing to make stir-fry, and since eating out at a Chinese (or really any Asian) restaurant is now prohibited due to Colin's peanut/tree-nut allergies, I decided to start searching out sauces that we could use. My concern, naturally, was that non-peanut sauces might be cross-contaminated with peanut (or nuts). I received this reply THIS MORNING in my e-mail:

--------------------------------------
Dear Ms. SomeonesMom:
We received your e-mail inquiring about Kikkoman Soy and Teriyaki Sauces. You asked if these sauces and any of our non-peanut sauces are "processed on equipment shared with peanut/nut products" because you would like to avoid any chance of cross contamination with these allergens.

Kikkoman soy, Teriyaki and other sauces that are brewed and produced by Kikkoman Foods, Inc. in Walworth, WI do not contain any kind of peanuts or nuts in them. Therefore, the soy and teriyaki sauces manufactured at this plant would be free of cross contamination. Please check the back of the label to see where the sauce was produced.

We hope you find this information helpful to you as you plan your meals. If we may be of further assistance, please let us know.

Sincerely,
KIKKOMAN INTERNATIONAL INC.
Consumer Services
-----------------------------

So I checked the back of the Teriyaki sauce we already had in the refrigerator: didn't say where it was made (just that it was distributed by Kikkoman in San Francisco, CA). Then I checked the soy sauce and light soy sauce we had: Walworth, WI!

I went to the store and took a look at the Teriyaki sauce that was just the same as the one in our refrigerator. Nothing listed. However, when I looked at the light Teriyaki sauce, it was marked as made in Walworth, WI. Bingo!

So of course I brought it.

And again, of course, I managed to drop the grocery bag six inches to the floor of the garage, just outside the door to the kitchen... and I broke the bottle of light Teriyaki sauce.

Considering everything that's going on in our lives right now, I wasn't about to cry over... spilled Teriyaki.

I was more thrilled with the overall message I took away from this experience: Kikkoman offers prompt customer service and specific answers. They told me exactly what I needed to know, how to obtain needed information, and that they actually cared about their customers.

What I'm listening to: That "Tattoo" song by Jordin Sparks
I just: Ate a snack-sized KitKat
Now I'm gonna: Write some thank-you cards

Feeling positive about being negative

Last week, got notice that my husband and I are negative for Giardia. Yippee!

On Saturday evening, when we finished the last dose of medicine, I had Colin ceremoniously throw the bottle into the trash. He said, "That too, Mommy," pointing to the medicine dispenser. He threw that away as well.

Good riddance! Now let's cross our fingers that that was enough medicine to rid him of Giardia.

Does this look like a kid with Giardia?

Just checking. Because the test results from 1/2/08 indicate that he has Giardia! He's one of those rare individuals who shows NO signs, NO symptoms, yet has it.

Thank goodness I persuaded his pediatrician to order a lab test... for a kid with no symptoms.

So what happened?

Back in October, there was a sign on the door of his daycare class indicating that a child in the class had Giardia. When I asked a teacher about it, she said that the child had been having diarrhea, but the parents kept bringing him to daycare anyway (!!!). They kept calling the parents to take him home, saying, "You can't bring your child if they have diarrhea!" Finally, they said, "This is not clearing up - you should get him tested." The parents relented at last... and found out he had Giardia.

A couple weeks went by, and two more cases popped up.

Then November was silent.

In December, another notice went up. Turns out EIGHT more children had Giardia. EIGHT. A letter went out to parents just before the Christmas break, stating that if your child is tested and comes back "negative", they'd be put in a different room, with all of the "negative" kids. They had come in on a weekend and bleached down the entire room. They had called the Dept. of Health, which had sent reps in to give an additional workshop on precautions with diaper changes.

So, just to be helpful, I thought Colin should be tested. Then, once he came back "negative", he could go into the "negative" class after Christmas break.

The day after Christmas, with the scent of pine in the air, and some still-unwrapped presents under the tree, I scooped poo into vials.

Then we waited.

The pediatrician's office called the day after New Year's... with a bit of shock in the voice... Colin was positive for Giardia!

Talk about a stunner. How long had he had it? How many other kids in that class could be positive, little ticking time-bombs of Giardia poo, without knowing it?

So then I needed to call my doctor and persuade them to sign a lab sheet, even though I had no symptoms. And my husband had to do the same. Both offices hesitated greatly until we mentioned Colin's asymptomatic "positive". (And the fact that I was just days/weeks from having a baby.)

We're still waiting for our lab results.

In the meantime, Colin can't go to daycare on his usual days. Which, of course, are the days I'm supposed to be going to obstetrical appointments, taking extra naps, and running errands that I won't be able to do once the baby comes (not immediately, at least). The poor kid is not getting enough exercise, between me being so pregnant and having all of these sciatic/back issues, not being able to take him to gym class (because of my same issues), not going to school, and the rainstorms that prevent trike-riding and park time.

We've had three calls from the Dept. of Health. Luckily, all of the people I've spoken with ARE SO FRIENDLY AND PERSONABLE AND PROFESSIONAL. One nurse is going to bring the next two sets of vials for poo sampling to the house, so I only have to deal with drop-offs (because of my impending labor and delivery). My favorite part, though, was when the nurse was doing a questionnaire with me over the phone to determine where Colin might have swallowed water from a stream or eaten dirt. I said, "I know where he got Giardia. He got it at daycare when a kid had it back in October and his parents kept bringing him to school. There's a big outbreak there now that they can't get under control."

So Colin needs to take medicine for 10 days, three times per day. The first two days were fine, then he decided that he hated the medicine. (It's very bitter, even when mixed into a cherry base syrup.) I started mixing it into chocolate syrup, which is an incredibly rare treat for him. That worked for another two days, but was messy and difficult to administer. Then I hit on it: squirt the medicine in his mouth, tell him to "swallow quickly!", then squirt whipped cream into his mouth. Well, that's been a HUGE hit. It's worked like a charm. I don't know how I came up with that one; I have never had whipped cream squirted into my own mouth! But I'm glad I did. I'm like freakin' Mary Poppins over here now, with my spoonful of.... whipped cream.

It's just been rough in that Colin is having to take medicine, even though he doesn't feel sick; he can't go to school, and doesn't understand why; we have to bleach down all of his toys (the nurse's suggestion from today), which sent him into a tizzy because he thought we were putting away all of his toys in the garage so he'd never see them again; and, of course, I'm pregnant and supposed to be taking it easy.

BTW, if I come back "positive", the doctor said she wouldn't treat me unless I became symptomatic. She'd treat me after the baby was born. (And, of course, I'd need to tell Labor and Delivery that I had Giardia so they could make accommodations for that when I delivered.) In addition, if I started on medication, I'd have to pump-and-dump milk, as the medicine is not compatible with nursing.

SOOOOOOOOOO.... needless to say, our household has been turned upside down in the weeks when we really need it least. But we need to make sure our home becomes Giardia-free before the baby comes, as it can be a real danger to infants (dehydration, failure to thrive, hospitalization, etc.).

As my husband says: "Damn daycare!"

What I'm listening to: Matt watching "Nova" without me. Stop!
I just: Started watching "Nova" without him, then paused it. ;)
Now I'm gonna: Pour some orange juice and go chastize poor Matt

More cute

Today, Colin felt his baby sister moving around.

Colin: Oh, Baby Sidder, it you pay time. You move around at pay time.

BTW, this is the second time today I've found Colin on my bed, watching TV - the local weather newscast regarding the major storms pounding the area. He loves seeing those weather maps!

What I'm listening to right now: The weather report, of course!
I just: Talked to the hubby
Now I'm gonna: Well, we were going out to Target, but now it's dark outside...

Quoth the Colin...

At the park on New Year's Day...

Hubby: Colin, do you want to be a firefighter when you grow up?

Colin: No.

Hubby: How about flying an airplane?

Colin: No.

Hubby: Then what do you want to be when you grow up?

Colin: Caudin grow up, be a big brother.

What I'm listening to: A lacrosse ball bouncing around in the dryer (beating a Boppy into submission)
I just: Read up on Giardia online
Now I'm gonna: Put some pasta on to boil

My favorite hubby quote of 2007

It happened just before Christmas...

Scene - Hubby is reading SPIN.

Hubby: Oh my God, what happened to Sanjaya?

Me (fixing hair in bathroom): What?

Hubby: Sanjaya. He looks terrible. (Silence.) Who's M.I.A.?

What I'm listening to: Feist
I just: Helped Colin open a Ziploc bag
Now I'm gonna: Keep him from smashing his toes with a baby bathtub

Full-term and feelin' it

I'm now 36 weeks pregnant... WOW.

When I got off the elevator at the mall yesterday, this little girl (accompanied by her younger sisters and mom), saw my stomach, her eyes widened, her mouth hung opened, and she gasped, "Oh my... oh wow... wow, look at that!!!!!!!!!" Gently, her mom said, "Yes - she has a baby in her tummy, just like Mommy did!" (Good save, Mom!)

I'm the kind of woman who carries ALL FRONT. So I often get that kind of response, especially when someone has only seen me from the back and then I turn around and they say, "WHOA - look at that baby!" I've definitely seen women who end up like actress Bridget Moynahan - she could have balanced a tray of coffee on her stomach in the last month of her pregnancy. I'm not at that point, but strangely, I still have a waist!

My sciatica is still acting up, but Colin has been so sweet and generally helpful - not that he doesn't sometimes still drive me crazy. I mean, he's only two-and-a-half years old! But if I'm sitting on the sofa, using the heating pad, he'll say, "You 'kay, Mommy? You 'kay? Here, Mommy. Warm and cozy." And he tucks a blanket around me. Nice!

Colin's vocabulary has exploded over the last month. He still applies some developmentally-appropriate phonological processes in his speech, which makes understanding him a bit of a challenge on occasion. Some of my favorites:

Nehkis: music
Tafa: pasta
Keenee: zucchini
Wawa: Kira (his aunt)
Nahnah: Naiya (our neighbor)

We've been prepping him for the birth of his baby sister. He tells people, "Baby sister in Mommy tummy. Baby sister move move move, Mommy back owie hurt. Baby sister seep in kib in Caudin woom." (Did you get that last part?)

Meanwhile, I'm glad to be on maternity leave! What a relief! And I'm milking it for all it's worth, because the doctor is "hedging her bets" that the baby is coming January 15-22, instead of January 26-ish. We'll see....

On a totally, completely different note: I just saw that People put out a "Gone Too Soon" edition that celebrates the lives of performers who died young (young-ish?). They had freakin' PAULA YATES in there - who is mostly famous for the more-famous men with whom she slept (Bob Geldof, Michael Hutchence), the weird names of her children (Fifi Trixibelle, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, and so on...), and the fact that she killed herself, rather than her career as a talk show host or whatever. And yet, may I add... NO JEFF BUCKLEY? Puhleeeeeze.

What I'm listening to right now: The sound of the football game on TV in the other room
I just: Talked to our friend Ben on the phone
Now I'm gonna: Do a little online browsing! (Shopping-wise.)

I finally get The Question

So, while working with my class of five students - all aged four years, but for one (who is a very mature five-and-a-half) - I finally got The Question.

Student A: Did you have your baby yet?

Me (pointing to my stomach): Nope, it's still in there. You just can't see it as well because I'm wearing black, which is slimming.

(Female student nods approvingly - scary! I was just joking!)

Student B: How is the baby going to get out?

(Uh-oh! Think quickly!)

Me: I'm going to go to the hospital and have the doctor take it out.

Student B: Then the doctor cuts it in half?

(????)

Me: The doctor doesn't cut the baby in half!

Student B: No, your stomach.

(Another student, running late, comes up the portable ramp and distracts the children. Partial success!)


In other news, apparently, the other SLP got "in trouble" (her words) for mentioning that the Pilgrims left England because they wanted to worship God - this was in response to a student's question, mind you. I said, "Yeah, I sanitized that one down to, 'The Pilgrims wanted to live a certain way, and there were mean people being mean to them, and they felt sad, so they got on the Mayflower and came to America.'"


In non-school-related news, I was stunned by my son's admission yesterday. We were playing with his trains at the table, and suddenly, I noticed that he was kind of looking off to the side, with a smile on his place, and then he kind of chuckled. I asked, "Colin - what are you thinking about?" He looked at me and said, "About Gigi, and Grandma, come visit Colin." He was daydreaming! He was reliving his visit to Gigi (great-grandma) with Grandma from the week before (his grammar was off, but I knew of what he was speaking). I said, "Oh, yeah, you had fun! What did you do with Gigi?" He said, "Gigi and Colin eat cheese. 'Oooo, wow, cheese!' Then, we pick oranges, apples. Twist, twist, PULL! Fall down the tree. Pick up."

I can't believe it... we had a conversation. He was reliving memories for me. (And I know it's all true, because my MIL told me what they did last Wednesday!) I am reveling in this episode, because no matter how much book learning you have in your field, when you see your child doing something for the first few times, it's AMAZING.

What I'm listening to: Nothing
I just: Read Defamer
Now I'm gonna: Get Colin from daycare so we can cook dinner together

Uh, okay...

An awkward "kids (continue to) say the darndest things"...

Today, in speech class:

Four-year-old girl: May I please shut the door?
Me: Is it too loud outside?
Four-year-old girl: Yes.
Me: Okay, go ahead.
Four-year-old boy: Now the door is closed, no one can come and shoot us.

(Comment from husband: "Boy, is that a sign of the times or what?")

What I'm listening to: "Hang Me Out to Dry" - Cold War Kids
I just: Checked out how much it would cost to buy the PLS-4 because I haven't used the Battelle and I just want to get rid of it
Now I'm gonna: Go watch TiVo!

Kids say the darndest things - Thanksgiving edition

Four-year-old boy discusses Thanksgiving with me.

Me: What did the Native Americans teach the Pilgrims to do?
Student: Eat!
Me: Okay, eat, but first they taught the Pilgrims how to grow the food. What did they teach the Pilgrims to grow?
Student: Pizza!


What I'm listening to: Nothing (I'm at work)
I just: Finished working with a group
Now I'm gonna: Go see a private client

No, I didn't forget!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEFF!!!!

Wish we had a chance to see what else you could do....

The Official Jeff Buckley Website

The hilarity continues...

Upon walking out of day care, after sunset.
Colin: Dark.
Me: Yeah, it's a little dark.
Colin: No, Mommy, BIIIIG dark.


A four-year-old student opens his mouth like he's going to say something, then shuts it.
Me: Brian, were you going to say something?
Student: Oh, I just forgot that you have a baby in your tummy, then I remembered.
Me: Yes, I do! Good job - you remembered.
Student: Yeah, my mom's getting fat too, but she doesn't have a baby in her tummy.
Me: Okay, I'm not going to tell your mom you said that, but thanks for sharing!


Another four-year-old student, who just saw the "Transformers" movie. If you know the theme song from the cartoon, you'll get this!
Student: C'mon trucks - let's go meet the eye!


My five-year-old student, seeing another student crying.
Student: My daddy said I could only cry if I was bleeding or dying.


What I'm listening to: The washer and dryer
I just: Swiffered the floor
Now I'm gonna: Take a nap!

Fun With Kids

Working with preschoolers can, occasionally, be fun!


While testing a student to see if he can describe others accurately:

Me: How do I look? Tell me about my clothes, my hair, stuff like that.

Little boy: Pretty!


While our group matches up "cold" things with the snowman picture and "hot" things with the sun picture:

Little boy, pointing to the snowman picture: It's cold in winter.

Little girl: Ohhhhh! I've never BEEN to winter before!


Little boy telling his mom about another little boy, who is on the autistic spectrum and usually doesn't communicate well:

Little boy: Mom! He talks! I said, "Do you want to come to circle time?" and he said, "No!"


What I'm listening to: Colin talking to me
I just: Called a store about glider rockers
Now I'm gonna: Go outside to play!

Still pickin' on whiners

Poor, poor Ryan Adams. Dude puts out, like, six albums per year, and still he can't get a decent sound system at a concert? So what does he do? He throws a fit. Boo hoo: what a baby! Of course, in this month's SPIN Magazine, he also insists that the Grateful Dead are a punk band. Uh-huh.

Now, for the anti-whiner: have you checked out the Swedish TV host who threw up on-air because of menstrual cramps? Now THAT is a pro. THAT is someone with balls. Ryan Adams, you could take a lesson from Miss Eva Nazemson.

(If you're feeling strong, check out the video here, with English subtitles.

What I'm listening to: Colin singing the Alphabet Song
I just: Ate lunch, read the news on CNN.com
Now I'm gonna: Play with Colin before naptime

For shame, for shame

Part 1: Vanessa Hudgens
So, she took cheescake photos. And, apparently, she did the same thing as a 15-16 year old (sending the pics to a co-star in a TV show). The girl's judgement is not spot-on. But I'm sure MANY of these tsk-tsking moms who are quoted as saying, "Well, my eight-year-old daughter is NOT going to be a fan anymore," pr'y have their own Naked Photo Past. But they're not famous, and no one wants to see them naked. Plus, just tell your kid, "She took naked photos, and someone found them. That's why you don't take naked photos. We all learned something here today!"

Part 2: Britney Spears
This is where the real shame comes in. Her VMA performance was just.... sad. Her outfit was too skimpy for her current figure. She could barely keep her balance in those boots. And her dancing - well, it wasn't really dancing now, was it. It was Brit-Brit, looking uncomfortable, shifting her weight from foot to foot, letting the backup dancers do all of the work. Ouch. Where is her management? This could have been a golden moment! And the pained looks of other entertainers in the audience were too much. (My favorite: 50 Cent. Some talking head made the comment later to the effect that "50 Cent got shot nine times, and even HE thought this was more painful.") Oh, oh, Britney. Lament!

Right now I'm listening to: The pro football game audio from the living room
I just: Finished Photoshopping clip art for my students tomorrow (first day!)
Now I'm gonna: Eat some ice cream!

And now, in other news...

Ever wanted to drive a Daihatsu? Ever felt like a closeted gay man ready for some annoyingly repetitive guitar work? Work your way over to the German Daihatsu Trevis website and test-drive a shirtless cowboy, a possibly WWII-era airman... partially undressed, or a Great Gatsby-esque, um, baseball player-type who is... uh... again, half-naked. Watch them dance! Watch them pose! Wonder exactly to whom the Trevis is being targeted! (Not soccer moms. Or just very, very naive soccer moms.)

Click "go" under each gentleman to enjoy some awkward dancing.

Hmmm.

iPhone, waaa waaa waaa, pfthhhhhhhhhhhh!

So, apparently, angry first-generation iPhone users (should I say version 1.0?) are blasting Steve Jobs, threatening to rip him a new one, because they bought the iPhone before its price cut. Thus begins my multi-point post:

Why These iPhone Users Are Whiny Little Bitches

(1) They were early adopters. Many things are much more expensive in their early iterations. You don't see my parents begging for money back on their big honkin' microwave they bought back in 1980, now, do you? They got use out of it and enjoyed it! (For many, many years, actually.)

(2) They just HAD to have the iPhone. Now! Yesterday! Be the first ones in line! They wanted to walk around with their iPhones, show everyone their iPhones, brag about their iPhones, blog about the iPhones. They wanted to be hip! In-the-know! So... they paid full price and got the attention and "cool credit". Now they're complaining?

(3) Want that latest outfit at your favorite store? Buy it now, full price, and wear it before anyone else. Wait a month, and it will go on sale for 20% off. Wait another two weeks, and it's 40% off. It's your choice. It's a free country. If you paid full price for the iPhone, flaws and all, because you needed it FIRST, you weren't going to get it at a discount.

I'm surprised that Steve Jobs is offering a $100 credit. He's known for being stubborn, controlling, and kind of a freak (living in Silicon Valley, I know people who know him). Live it and breathe it, Steve! You're going easy on these people! They're your slaves, and they'll keep crawling back for the Next Best Thing that you create!

Some people just need to GROW UP.

Right now I'm listening to: "What Goes Around Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake (wow, the irony)
I just: Read the news online (of course!)
Now I'm gonna: Go get my chai tea latte out of the microwave... that will be replaced as SOON AS THERE'S A SALE, DAMMIT!

That's not what I meant

Scene: I was reading the picture book "Out and About" with Colin before his nap today. On the food page, there is a partially unwrapped bar of chocolate.

Me: Look!

Colin: Whadat?

Me: A bar of chocolate. Daddy likes that.

Colin: (pointing down hallway, toward the computer) Chokit Wain!

Yes, the hubby must stop enjoying the YouTube sensation "Chocolate Rain" with Colin. Immediately.

Right now I'm listening to: Nothing at the moment
I just: Read my e-mail
Now I'm gonna: Take a nap!

More "reunion" weekend photos

We LOVED going up to Bellevue for Will and Nichole's wedding. Here are more pics from the weekend.
The magnificent newlyweds. I can't believe Will is married - I remember when he was born! And it was such a joy to meet Nichole - she is a lovely, lovely girl. Looking forward to getting to know her better!
No babies were harmed in the making of this photo - no matter what Matthew's face says!

Colin and Matthew chatting away.

Right now I'm listening to: The a/c unit. Again.
I just: Came back from job #1.
Now I'm gonna: See a private client. Ciao!

The White House and someonesmom

Here we are! Two bloggers/cousins with our boys. My family had a great time visiting Bellevue for Cousin Will's wedding. More pics forthcoming.

Right now I'm listening to: The a/c unit (that's not a new band)
I just: Finished a webinar on accent modification
Now I'm gonna: Walk over to daycare to get the little guy

Welcoming Audrey

Congrats to Ben and Casey on their new addition!

Seriously, smiling already? WOW!

My picky, picky music lover

Colin and his uncle rocking out, Debussy-style



On the way to day care this morning, Colin and I were listening to the radio. Upon arrival, I turned off the car. Colin utter a cry of dismay. I said, "What's wrong?" He started tapping his hands on his thighs. "Oh, you wanted to finish listening to the song?" He smiled and nodded. I turned the radio back on and he got right back to grooving.

The song? "Hand in Pocket" by Alanis Morissette.

Right now I'm listening to: "Plowed" by Sponge
I just: Came back from seeing a client
Now I'm gonna: Eat lunch

"New" Jeff Buckley video

Right now I'm listening to: "Grey in L.A." by Loudon Wainwright III
I just: Read "Les deux pieds sur Terre"
Now I'm gonna: Check my e-mail

Countdown

Baby #2 is on the way!

And in no way do the stories coming out of my moms' group freak me out.

Most women are having their second kids with three pushes, while the nurse screams, "Don't push - the doctor isn't here! He's at Chevy's having taquitos and a margarita!"

We've had one get in the shower when her contractions started, only to deliver the baby in the tub with her husband.

We've had another deliver in her living room with her husband, her mother, her mother-in-law, and two firefighters. One firefighter kept telling her to get into the "proper birthing position, on your back," while she screamed, "That's not the proper birthing position!!!" So when her son shot out into the firefighter's hands, the baby immediately sprayed everyone in attendance with pee... including into the firefighter's mouth. Aw.

And yet, I'm still remaining positive. No pun intended.

Meanwhile, Colin has been practicing his counting and alphabet.

Colin, counting Cheerios: Two, fee, five, sick, seben, eight, nine, ten... eight, nine, X, Y, Z!

Colin, doing his alphabet puzzle: "R, T, double-oo, X, Y, Z!"

It's a start.

So over it

What's up with emo girls doing that weird thing with their lips when they have their pictures taken?

Just wondering.

I was looking at scene hair and started feeling pissed off.

A list: Music videos

Music Videos That Nearly Make Me Hate the Songs I Adore (So I Try To Not Watch Them)

-Secret Smile (Semisonic)
-My Happiness (Powderfinger)
-Crank (Catherine Wheel)

(I'm sure there are more here - I'll just have to add them as I remember them. Perhaps I'm blocking them out in order to protect my psyche....)



Videos That Make Me Love the Songs I Adore Even More

-Closer (Nine Inch Nails)
-Sabotage (Beastie Boys)
-Human Behavior (Bjork)
-Soul Meets Body (Death Cab for Cutie)
-Take On Me (A-Ha)
-Cry Me a River (Justin Timberlake)
-Imagine (John Lennon)
-Natural Blues (Moby)



Videos That Are So Bad, They Make Bad Songs Even More Laughable

-Any song by R. Kelly
-Stars Are Blind (Paris Hilton)
-I'm Too Sexy (Right Said Fred)

Big changes

So much has happened in the last month... no time to blog it all! Here are some highlights:

(1) I quit my job with the Deaf/HOH program. I don't have another job yet. I should say, actually, that I haven't SELECTED another job yet. There are quite a few from which to choose, but I haven't made up my mind. That's what's so great about being an SLP - lots of work!

(2) Lots of parties and get-togethers.... and still more are coming up!

(3) Travelling.

(4) As pertaining to (1), I had to pack up my entire office, the speech closet, etc., as well as finish up end-of-the-year things, such as report cards, IEPs, etc. That was soooooo much work.

More changes to come!

In addition, Colin's speech has just *exploded*. (And he's still using sign, which more and more people are noticing - they're like, "Wow, he signs?" and then they tell me a story about how someone else they know signs and how cool it is.) Today, he shocked me by pointing to the Valentine hearts in the book "Max's Valentine" and saying, "Heart," pointing to his heart, and then, "Two heart." He pointed to the purple one and said, "Mama, mama," and I said, "Purple. Purple heart." He repeated it. Then he pointed to the red one and said, "Red heart." He's doing great!

Turns out he's also a golf prodigy. On our friend Ben's last trip up here about three months ago, we went to the golf store. Colin started trying to putt the ball into the hole, and then once he figured that out, he started handicapping himself by placing the ball further and further away from the hole!

Since then, he's tried to use a landscaping stake and a small ball to practice. So on our recent trip down south, I bought him a plastic kid-sized putting set. He said, "Big putt-putt!" He was really excited.

He's also upped his dance moves. He does some pretty crazy dances, including using pointing fingers, and some yoga-like floor rolling that would make Mia Michaels proud.

What a kid!

Kids are (still) funny

Two of my students, girls aged about nine, were wearing Warriors jerseys to school on Thursday (due to a talent show performance). Names changed to protect the innocent. :)

Me: Oh, you've got Warriors jerseys on!

Rose: Yeah, we wore them for the talent show. Do you know the Warriors?

Me: Of COURSE I know the Warriors!

Anjali: I love Warriors! I love Warriors!

Me: You do?

Anjali: Yes! They win win win. They play basketball and win. Many time. Lose a little bit, but okay.

Rose: But they didn't go to the championships.

Anjali: No championship. No. Little bit lose. But I love Warriors!

At this age, I was like, "I love books! I love music!" Was I even aware of professional basketball?

So... that's... uncomfortable

Wow. So much can happen during one half-hour of speech therapy!

First, as I was walking with a student (a smart, charming boy who is quite talkative and popular) from the cafeteria to the speech room, I see the principal marching purposefully from his office. A staff member said to him, "He's standing over there by the fence." I looked over and saw a man, standing against the short chain-link fence, watching the kids playing on the field.

Yes, it could be that he's lonely. Maybe he has children or grandchildren who live far away. Maybe he lost a child. Maybe he's taking a break while walking around the neighborhood and sought the shade of the trees.

And yes, he has a right to take a walk. However...

Considering that the neighborhood has a very high rate of sex offenders - some who are not allowed to come that close to school grounds - the principal had to check it out.

Ick.

Then, as that student and I are doing speech, we come to the phrase "peach fuzz". (We're working on figurative/idiomatic language.) We talked about how, when his dad shaves, his face is smooth. The next day, a little bit of hair has grown on his face, and that is "peach fuzz", because it feels like the fuzzy skin of a peach (more or less). The conversation then progressed down a path I wasn't quite expecting.

(Scene: Speech room)

Student: Yeah, my dad has peach fuzz.

Me: Well, that's how we got that phrase.

Student: Look, the peach is fuzzy in its butt crack!

Me: That's not a crack. It's more like a... seam.

Student: My dad has fuzz in his butt crack.

Me: I don't think your dad would appreciate me knowing that. It's private.

Student: Well, he's also got a lot down there. (Pointing to crotch, under table.)

Me: Umm...

Student: Yeah, not in the middle, but all around... it. (Moving pointer finger in a circle.)

Me (seriously): Okay, back to the fruit.

Student: My mom does too.

Me (more intently): So--

Student (interrupting): I know because I see it every day. When they take a shower in the morning. It's gross.

Me (louder and firmly): OKAY, NEXT IDIOM. What's "apple of my eye"?

(End scene.)

You know, you just don't want students to think that discussion of that stuff is wrong or bad. However, you also don't want to discuss something that their parents should be discussing with them. (Although we do have students who are really Deaf/HOH and their parents can't discuss anything at all with them because they don't sign, so it's up to us to tell them about puberty, etc.) So it's a fine line.

But that was definitely 511.

I can only imagine what's going to happen if he tries to relate this story to his parents after school. Oh boy.

Dreams

Had a weird dream two nights ago. I was at a supermarket - like Albertson's, or Safeway (ha! funny when you read the rest of this dream....) - and a bunch of us are standing in the parking lot, looking at the cloud of smog hanging over the city skyline in the distance.

"See, that's the gas," someone says. "We can see it over there, but it's hanging over us, too."

So we all go into the store and close all of the doors. And I'm sitting on the sofa (!) in the store, talking to my old classmate Seaton from middle school/high school. And then we all have to go into a smaller room. And we're trying not to breathe because the green gas is coming in the vents... and I see people dropping around me... and I realize that I, too, will breathe in the green gas, and I'll die, and there's no way to get around it.

I think I'm concerned about global warming.

Am I the only one trying to conserve energy and water around here, people? HELP!

Seen today

A headline in the local newspaper:

"Youth Commission Members Are Busy, And Their Plan Is To Get Even Busier."

Oooooooo yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A message T on one of my students, a friendly kid who is deaf and autistic:

"I'm probably not listening to you."

:)

Ever want to just quit your job?

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a lighter note:

Me (finishing up an explanation, because the student, a little boy, wanted to know): So "boyfriend/girlfriend" is like going to movies and having dinner and stuff... well, I guess you could do that with your friends, too. But it means someone LIKES you likes you, not just likes you as a friend.

Male Student, Aged Six: Ew.

Me: Well, your mom and dad were boyfriend-girlfriend before they got married!

Student: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Don't tell me that! (pauses) Okay, tell me that.

Me: You didn't know that?

Student: Well, I kinda did, since yesterday. They didn't tell me, but I read their minds. And then I threw up a little bit. I really did.

Twos

Why is it that bananas and strawberries, on their own, are acceptable, yet if you slice and mix the two together, anarchy ensues?

Doodlepoops

So can you tell that I don't like the Doodlebops? This past weekend, while watching a TiVo'd copy with Colin, I found another reason for my dislike: lack of grammar.

(Scene: Backstage, the Doodlebops and Jazzmin discussed how great it was that Rooney Doodle (a.k.a. "the blue one", "the gay one", "not the breakdancing one, the other one") gave his old ukelele to a fan. Let the agrammaticality begin!)

Deedee: You can always borrow one.
Rooney: From who?
Jazzmin: Myself!

This is supposed to be EDUCATIONAL? That was two errors in two seconds! UGH!

Nah funnee!

On two totally different topics...

Colin decided, two days ago, that he wanted to sit on his toilet for 15 minutes before getting in the tub. Then, yesterday, he decided to sit on the toilet in the afternoon. Of course, he had to strip down to his socks. Then... he actually pooed in the toilet. He was like, "Uh!" and pointed to it like, "Oh, damn, I totally ruined a perfectly good toilet!" I clapped and said, "That's where the poo goes! Give me five!" and he's like, "Noooooo." Eventually, he'll get it.

Hey, anyone scared of BLOOD?!?!? This kid is adorable.

Some things never change

This really takes me back - hearing a classic. In the classroom next door, I hear the teacher working with the students.

Teacher: When Father came home, what was he going to do?

Students: Kill the pig!

Teacher: Yes, that's right. And what did Fern say?

Students: No, stop!

I'll always remember E.B. White's wonderful "Charlotte's Web" and the beautiful Garth Williams drawings that complemented it. And I love hearing how the story still captivates children today.

Nutty Health

Overheard at The Prolific Oven this morning.

(Enter grandparents in their early 60s and their granddaughter, a young teenager.)

Woman, perusing baked goods: Don't they have anything healthy here?

Man: Let's see...

Woman: I don't see anything healthy.

Employee: Can I help you?

Woman: Yes. Two Diet Cokes...

Chuckles in (un)expected places

It's funny when little kids point out the peculiarities of English. It's even better when a child who is delayed in expressive and receptive language due to a hearing loss picks up on those items, such as homophones. An example from last week: I was working with a client, who is a preschooler. Names changed to protect the innocent and funny!

Me (showing a wind-up toy): Look!
Malak: Horse!
Me: That's right - a horse and a knight.
Malak: No - horse in the DAY.

Loved it!

Blague!

Just finished watching tonight's episode of "24". Did anyone else notice the joke played on "The Ricker"? Last week, he was listed in the opening credits as "Rick Schroder", but tonight, he was listed as "Ricky Schroder"! Oh, I bet he loved that! Those jokers over there at Fox. Guess it keeps it light over there, huh?

And now, a vignette:

Me: How old do you think I am?
Student #1: 18!
Student #2: 24!
Student #3: 22!
Me: Nope. I'm actually 32.
Student #2: 32? That's practically DEAD!

Precious!

Cavity fighting while you sleep

Not our first choice, but good try anyway, Colin!

Have you hugged your child today?

I was sitting with two of my students today, girls aged about 11 years old. One, "Ann", told me that she was going to get her hair cut. So she, "Maria" and I talked about haircuts. "Ann" told me that she could only get a blunt cut because that's all her mom and grandma would allow.

After about five minutes of conversation, she told me that she wanted to get her hair cut because, when she was a little girl, her mom would tell her she was beautiful and hug her.

Her mom no longer hugs her.

She said, "I want my mom to hug me and tell me that she loves me."

I asked her if she had tried. She said, "[My teacher] told me to try to hug my mom. I was scared the first day and then I tried. My mom say, 'Go away, I'm busy' and she pushed me. I wish [my teacher] was my mom. She said she would hug me if I need it. When she hug me, it remind me of how my mom used to hug me."

Her mom also tells her she's fat, and won't let her play with her best friend.

This poor girl. It's not easy being a preteen. It's not easy being deaf/hard-of-hearing - especially when your family won't sign to you, and they yell at you in their first language (which they're sure you understand, but you're just lazy).

All this girl wants to to be hugged and told that she matters.

It's a reminder to us all - don't forget to hug your children and tell them that you love them ... every day.

Family Planning

Another fun conversation with a student. This eight-year-old girl knows what she wants from life.

Me: So what did you do on vacation after you came back from Idaho?
Student: I played with my kitchen. My sister and I played with it. We got it when I was a baby.
Me: Oh, and you still like it?
Student: Yeah. I never want to give it away. I want to keep it and then my children will have it.
Me: That's a great idea. How many children do you think you'll have?
Student: Three. My boyfriend and I decided three.
Me (surprised): Oh... uh, really?
Student: Yes. A girl and two boys. We planned it.
Me: Really.
Student: Yes. We decided. A girl and two boys, because they can share rooms. But we're going to live in Utah.
Me: Why Utah?
Student: It's better than California. And the houses are two levels.
Me: You're going to have a two-story house?
Student: No, FIVE story.

Remember... this kid is only eight! I wonder if her mom knows about this plan...

It was a fun way to come back from a one-week break. Except for still doing my private practice work, I went to a voice conference given by the entertaining and knowledgeable Dr. Kittie Verdolini. She's an amazing woman! What else... well, I exercised, and I hung out with my babykins. And, of course, I did some retail therapy. It's great to see all of the accessories being pushed by Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, and Gap... and then go to Target and get them for 1/3 of the price. ("But," you say, "They aren't the same quality!" Of course not. But accessories come and go... you just need them to last as long as they're in style. A really great black cashmere sweater they're not!)

And I watched the Oscars last night. I don't know when the last time was that I did that... even last year, it was a sporadic watch. I TiVo'd it and watched it over a bowl of lowfat ice cream (slow-churned, of course!). No surprises, but it was a pleasant time.

Well... back to the grind... time to write some reports!

Another one?

So, yeah, I'm starting to think about having another baby. My husband has been thinking about it for several months! What I'm not looking forward to: lack of sleep. I mean, Colin FINALLY started sleeping through the night (or only waking up once) in the last month or so. And he's 20 months old! He's still not really into independent play. But the kid is sooooo freakin' cute. I know I want to have more, and I don't want to wait tooooo long. Hmmm....

I saw the signs

SO... I threw on my "mom jeans" this morning (just kidding!!!) and took Colin to the library for story time. It said "two to three years old" and so I figured it would be a stretch for him, but who cares, because it's a BEAUTIFUL library in an insanely scenic setting (say that five times fast!), and I wasn't ready to work out at the Y yet.

We walked in and followed the stroller-bearing moms and grandmas. And I ran into... my buddy/former co-worker Rufus! I swear, not even 23 hours earlier, I was talking with two co-workers about "where's Rufus, did he fall off the face of the Earth, why hasn't anyone heard from him..." and there he was with his daughter! Turns out he goes to story time with her every Wednesday.

His daughter and Colin enjoyed chasing each other around after story time, and Rufus and I had a good talk (in SEE). The piece de resistance (sorry for the lack of accent marks) was when we were about to leave and Colin starting signing for a cracker. Rufus understood him! Then I told him we'd go home and have a tortilla, and he signed that as well. Then Rufus signed, "Are you hungry?" and Colin nodded "yes"! Rufus totally flipped! So that was a wonderful compliment - a Deaf person understood Colin's signs, and Colin understood another signer. It was a happy morning for Mama.

Hot Young Artist

My brother is an artist. He also runs a company, Well Threaded, that matches people to jobs in the fashion industry. Read more about it here: http://www.wellthreaded.com and here: http://www.myspace.com/wellthreaded.

Anyway, some of my students know that he's an artist. One girl just found out. This is what happened:


Student: You are a good artist. Why are you?

Me: Because I'm older and I learned how to draw. Also, my brother is an artist.

Student: He is? How is he?

Me: It's his job. He does art all day and then people give him money.

Student: All day? Outside?

Me: Mostly inside.

Student: Is he sweaty?


I'd have to say... no!

Happy Thanksgiving....

Today is a day filled with in-class T-day celebrations. While doing an observation in a first-grade class (sharing food with their fifth-grade reading buddies), I witness this amusing scene:

Mr. T, the coolest teacher in school: Okay, Fifth-Grade Buddies, come up here and read your papers about Thanksgiving facts.

(One by one, kids read.)

Last kid: Thanksgiving is all about being with friends and family and giving thanks. So thank you, Mr. T, for bringing meaning to my life.

Classroom aide: Hey, wait, that doesn't sound like he wrote that by himself!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jeff Buckley's Birthday

http://www.jeffbuckley.com

RIP, Scotty!

You should've seen what she did to the potatoes!

I was tortured all day today as the smell of turkey and pumpkin pies wafted from the kitchen area into my office at school. A couple of the classes were preparing for a grand meal on Friday. One teacher, Martha, led her class into the kitchen to look at the turkey roasting. Now, mind you, this was the same class in which the boys were re-enacting shooting each other (and me) with arrows while wearing rudimentary construction paper Native American headdresses. Then I hear:

Martha: There's the turkey!

Boy: You shoot it?

Martha: Did I shoot it? No!

Boy: You have gun, you shoot it!

Martha: No, I do NOT have a gun. I got the turkey at Safeway!

Next week, Zeppelin?

Colin often walks up to the T.V. or computer and makes his sign for "music". In fact, he loves to watch YouTube videos with me. Through trial and error, I've noticed that he has some likes and dislikes. For example:

Loves:
"Oh Sherrie" by Steve Perry
"Heart and Soul" by Huey Lewis and the News
"Big Time Sensuality" by Bjork

Hates:
"Xanadu" by Olivia Newton-John

At 18 months old, he has not yet developed a palate for cult classics. Perhaps that begins at 19 months.

Election Flashback

Now that the 2006 elections are behind us (mostly), I thought I'd pull out my favorite piece of junk mail - er, informative voting mail - that I've ever received. Every time I read it, I giggle. I just remember that none of the other propositions listed were annotated with the same amount of humor and dread as this one.


TURNS DRUG CRIMINALS LOOSE
Proposition 36
The social engineers will not be around when drug addicts break into your home.


I Googled (I know they hate that! Okay, "I used Google to find more information on...") Prop. 36 and found this information:

"The Substance Abuse and Crime Prevention Act, also known as Proposition 36, was passed by 61% of California voters on November 7, 2000. This vote permanently changed state law to allow first- and second-time nonviolent, simple drug possession offenders the opportunity to receive substance abuse treatment instead of incarceration. Proposition 36 went into effect on July 1, 2001, with $120 million for treatment services allocated annually for five years." (From prop36.org)

I can only imagine which political party sent me the "Turns Drug Criminals Loose" ad!

When speech therapy gets down and dirty

Eight-year-old student making a sentence from a picture of a bed:
"My mom and dad kiss in the bed."

Three-year-old student, when shown an ear of corn:
"Porn!"

The importance of a five-point harness carseat

Coincedentally, we just adjusted Colin's (Britax) carseat yesterday. This YouTube video is heartbreaking AND educational. A 78-year old, mentally incapacitated woman drove her car through a red light, hitting their minivan and flipping them into a ditch. Their daughter's seatbelt held and she walked away from the crash; their son was killed because his seatbelt came unlatched. BOOSTER SEATS ARE NOT ENOUGH. Please watch and learn. My heart breaks for this family. Don't let Kyle's death be for nothing!!!!!

One mom's rental car nightmare

Got this from Jacqueline in my moms' group. Her friend Kimberly had a run-in with Budget Rent-A-Car. Agree or disagree with the Budget terms, it's a hair-pulling event that no parents would wish on themselves or their children!

----------------------------------------------------

Hey ladies,

A friend of mine forwarded me this note in regards to her recent
hell-like experience with Budget rental cars and their lack of any useful
help in installing a childseat. She told me to go ahead and pass it along
to interested moms, so here it is:
************************************

I just had a 25 minute call with Avis/Budget Corporate in NJ. THey
called me in response to the rippin' letter I wrote them after my LA
travel with Venice (her daughter). The Customer Care VP was horrified by
what occurred and said there was no excuse, and the Avis brand has
trained managers for car seat install but not the Budget brand, which isn't
changing in the near future. She said my letter would change the way
that courtesy is executed in regards to parents and car seat rentals in
the near future. Apparently my letter rocked the boat. I am sure some
of this is her doing her good VP of customer care job, but she did say
that my letter had a real impact.

October 23, 2006

Dear Karen,

I am writing to you as General Counsel for the policies of Budget Rent
a Car. I would like to make inquiries about the legalities involving
an incident that occurred at the Budget Rent a Car location at the
Burbank Airport in Burbank, CA.

I am a working mom, and I traveled on my first business trip with my 13
month old to Los Angeles from my home in San Jose. I rented a car from
Budget on line at the Budget web site. I requested a car seat for my
child be with the vehicle.

When I arrived to Budget, I was directed to a car that sat in the
beating sun in the middle of the lot. It was then that the baby seat, still
in plastic, was plopped down on the side of the car and the customer
representative looked at me with my travel crib, baby in the stroller and
suitcases and said "You know how to install that, right?" I was
shocked. Do I have the universal skill of baby seat installation just
because I have a child?

"But we can't install it because we can't be liable," says the
Representative. This troubled me. Budget is taking my money each day for a
safe care seat, but yet, how can I be assured it is safe if the company
I am paying does not install it into the rented vehicle? How am I to
know the seat is in fact intact and safe for my child if I have never
seen it or operated it before?

So I requested the literature that explained that Budget would NOT
install the car seat. I was told that there was nothing in writing. Now
the conversation was growing a tad heated. The sun was beating down on
us, I had to put my 13 month old in the front seat to give her some
shade while I understood what I was expected to do. I closed the door so
she would not fall out onto the pavement. That was when she locked
herself in the car with all the windows rolled up. You can imagine the
panic that now ensued. The customer representative had to go get a jimmy
to try and break in to the car as there are no spare keys, all the
while asking me why I gave the baby the keys in the first place. Buddy, I
said, trying to remain calm when I was about 2 minutes away from
putting the stroller through the window to save my baking child, if I hadn't
been arguing with you all this time about the car seat, I wouldn't be
so frazzled. Needless to say, he got the car open, and then helped me
with the car seat which he should have done from the getgo and I would
have been on the road about an hour prior.

Then the Manager Luis Oz came over. Luis does not have any children.
Luis also has no interest in inquiring why there is such a trying
policy on the installation of a car seat. Luis is happy doing an average
job thus contributing to pushing the world to an average place. I told
him so. I was angry.

I am aware now that on your web site, this is the statement under the
prominently placed section for child seat rental additions "Due to
liability issues, Budget personnel are not permitted to install child safety
seats into vehicles for customers. However, upon request, Budget will
provide an instruction sheet or booklet on the proper installation of
the child safety seat. Other questions regarding installation should be
addressed directly with the rental location." I swear, any parent that
is traveling with a child, with help or without, does not ingest its
true meaning which is " IT WILL BE HELL FOR YOU WHEN YOU SHOW UP WITH
YOUR CHILD AND ALL YOUR STUFF TO BUDGET AFTER A NIGHTMARE TSA EXPERIENCE
AND A LONG FLIGHT. YOU WILL BE HANDED A DOG EARED BOOKLET AND PROVIDED
A PARTIALLY EQUIPPED CAR SEAT THAT SUPPOSEDLY HAS THE LATCH SYSTEM
WITHOUT ANY TETHERS IN PLACE. YOU WILL ALSO BE SNUBBED BY A MANAGER WHO
HAS NO CHILDREN AND A STRESSED OUT REPRESENTATIVE WHO EVENTUALLY WILL
HELP YOU AFTER YOU ALMOST KILL YOUR CHILD IN THE PANIC THAT INSUES.

Budget maintains on its corporate web site that it holds "the leading
share of airport car rental revenue. We derive approximately 79% of our
nearly $4.8 billion in car rental revenue from on-airport locations."
Budget also "Supports Mothers Against Drunk Driving and After-School
All-Stars (ASAS), an organization that provides comprehensive
out-of-school programs to keep children safe and give them a chance at a brighter
future." I find both of these affiliations ironic considering your no
car seat installation policy. Don't you think helping keep children
alive and safe in your vehicles would be a first step??

I have done some research now on other car rental companies and their
child seat installation policies. I have found no such disclaimers on
the web sites for Avis (which is a partner with Budget) or Hertz. My
busy professional career does not allow me to continue to do more
research, but I do know that I will not be renting with Budget again.

So I put this situation to you, and look to discover what the
legalities are of this. I am interested in posting your answer on the many chat
boards and parent networks I subscribe to here in the bay area and
nationwide. I am sure BabyCenter.com will be curious as well.

Thank you for your time.

Best wishes,

Kimberly

MILF in training

We had three - THREE - groups of trick-or-treaters this evening. An all-time low for us! So I'm glad I just pulled out one of my costumes from storage and didn't put in too much effort. But the outfit was cool: a long black wig with bangs, a legit vintage minidress (kinda psychedelic!) that I bought at Buffalo Exchange in Berkeley several years ago, and some short heels.

One of the groups was five boys, most likely aged around 14 years old. Our exchange:


Me (opening door): Oh, wow!

Boys: ...

Me (to boy with hideous green goblin mask): Ew, that mask is scary!

Boy on Left: Uh...

Me: Okay, here's some candy.

Boy on Right (faintly): Have a nice evening.

Me: Thanks, you too! Happy Hallowe'en!

(Boys wander off, stage right.)

I start to close the door, and as it's nearly closed, I hear: "Daaaamn!"


This is where I became perplexed. The candy was good candy, but it wasn't like a huge regular-sized bar. But it was good stuff, not the cheapy-grab-bag stuff. So I went back to see my husband, who was giving the baby a bath.


Me: That was weird.

Hubby: Who was that?

Me: (related story to him)

Hubby: Yeah, "daaaamn"! Hello! Those boys didn't know what hit 'em!

Me: Good thing I didn't lean over to get more candy. This dress is quite air-conditioned.


Happy Hallowe'en!

Charm Attack

Don't you wish your mom was hot like mine?

A scene from Sunday...

Hubby: Can I put away your swimsuit in the "summer box"?

Me: What if I want to swim at the Y?

Hubby: But that's your hot swimsuit. It's too hot for the Y.

Me (to Colin): Did you hear that, Colin? Mommy's swimsuit is hot.

Colin (signing): Hot, hot.

I love autumn!

Future skate punk?

Yeah, we got your ASLPro right here
Colin is still signing up a storm. I'm currently trying to teach him "want", "thank you" and "elephant" and have had mild success. But people really start freaking out (in a good way) and asking questions when they see him sign. I always tell them that it wasn't overnight - I was despairing that he'd ever sign and then... BAM! He took off.

A man with sensitivity
When I picked him up from day care yesterday, we hung out a little to play. One of the younger babies crawled to the door and started crying. He wanted to go home too, but his mom is one of the teachers, so he has to stay until 6:30 or so. Anyway, Colin saw Kyle crying, walked over to a little stuffed Eeyore, picked it up, and toddled over to Kyle. He crouched down in front of Kyle, and showed him the Eeyore. Then he started babbling. Kyle stopped crying. Colin put the Eeyore in Kyle's lap and stroked his hair twice. I was flabbergasted! Then again, he is very affectionate, and I've seen him be quite loving with younger babies. He's just not an aggressive kid.

Starting young
I must relay a funny conversation I had with one of my students at work (in the Deaf/HOH program). She's seven years old. Names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Maria: Roberto, he like me. He blow in my ear TWO TIME!
Me: What does that mean?
Maria: It mean he like me. He want to give me ring but I say, "NO!"
Me: Why?
Maria: I too young!
Me: Ah, yes, you are.
Maria: And Jose kiss Daniella!
Me: How do you know that?
Maria: Because Jose tell Frankie, and Frankie tell Annabelle, and Annabelle tell me.
Me: Wow!
Maria: But Gigi, she jealous.
Me: She is?
Maria: Yeah. You know what jealous mean? It mean "boyfriend-girlfriend".

And never was a truer word spoken! But I'm surprised: these kids are starting SO YOUNG! Blowing in each others' ears? Yikes.

The big 1-6 (months, that is)

That is SOOOOO wrong. Everyone knows that Colin prefers hefeweizen.

It's been about a month since my last post... too long!

(sniff!)
Sadly, my favorite blog, fluidpudding.com, is no more. However, Angela vows that FP will have a new life as something else. I'm hoping it's a book. Or something. FP was THE smartest, best-written blog on the Web, mommy-related or otherwise. Hands down.

Toddler Alert!
Colin's walking... quickly... and I've lost even more weight keeping up with him. I'm now 22 lbs. lighter than when I got pregnant. And I wasn't a "big girl", people. Colin's only 24 lbs. 6 oz. This is a great excuse to eat ice cream every night.

Yippee!

14 months old... and signing!

Wow... I guess the year has been very busy... I haven't posted since January! Here's my list of reasons/excuses:

(1) At the beginning of January, Colin went on a five-month binge of waking up four times per night. We couldn't break him out of it... and we tried everything. Finally, around the end of May, he started sleeping better and only waking up once per night. Hurrah!

(2) I was starting up my own business.

(3) I was teaching baby sign for my friend's business while she was on maternity leave (http://www.keikiscorner.com).

(4) Did I mention that I was sleep-deprived?

On a good note, I *have* been working on my scrapbooking. :)

Colin is signing A LOT now. I had almost given up hope that he would sign... he understood sign but didn't sign himself. Now he's learning almost one sign per day. Today, it was "book"... two days before that, it was "bread"... the day before that, it was "water"... a few days before that, it was "cheese"... and the other day, he signed "more cheese" -- a two-word phrase. That's ahead of the curve!

But no, he's not walking yet. ;P

I've had fun chatting with my cousin Amy, who is expecting her first baby. We're going to see her and meet her husband - and see my aunt and uncle and other cousin - this weekend. Big trip! More later!

Eight months old!

Yeah, I've been a little busy... haven't posted for three months. So what's new?

(1) Even though I have word verification on, I can't seem to keep the spammy comments from appearing on my blog!!!

(2) The baby is not crawling, has no teeth, and doesn't roll over regularly. However, he's still extremely good-natured and observant.

(3) He's taken a liking to all foods offered to him... especially peas!!! They smell so bad, but he loves them. Carrots, green beans and zucchini, however, seem to upset his stomach. So far, sweet potatoes, peas, pears, bananas, apples and peaches are fine.

(4) He still loves to stand! (Supported, of course.)

(5) He can sit unsupported, and has started to try and scoot himself around, though he just ends up slowly pushing himself backward and then getting frustrated.

I've also discovered that I really, really do love being a mom. :)

The bambino is five months old today

And I totally had the sh&t scared out of me.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, writing thank-you cards for his baptism. He was sitting on my lap. I'm mulling over what to write when I notice that he's got a pen in his mouth. I pull the pen out of his mouth and notice the cap is missing.

This is where I started to FREAK OUT. My memory is blurry, but I believe that I shoved my fingers in his mouth to try to retrieve the pen cap. That must have activated his gag reflex, because he started making litle choking noises. At that point, I was convinced that he had inhaled the cap and was going to die.

I jumped up, baby in my arms, and smacked his back (no, this is NOT the right thing to do but it was instinct). Everything I knew about infant CPR flew out of my mind. I ran to the garage door to try and find my husband. Couldn't get to him. So I went back to the table and... noticed the pen cap laying on the kitchen table.

That's when I noticed my arms and legs felt weak and I was shaking. I think I had stopped breathing myself and not taken in any oxygen.

I went outside, found my husband, and said, "I just had a MAJOR freak-out moment." I told him what happened, and he's like, "That's why you need to keep the table clean." !!!!

Number one, it's not my "job" to keep the table clean, Mr. Leaving a Nut and Bolt on the Desk. (Husband: "I don't expect him to be over at the desk." Me: He's a baby. I hold him. Wherever I go, he goes.")

Number two, I THOUGHT OUR SON WAS CHOKING. A little sympathy, please?

So naturally, while my husband went on doing whatever he was doing (checking pool chemicals? Puh-leeze!), I sat down at the outdoor table and tried to calm down. I held the baby, and tears welled up in my eyes. Then he started gumming my hand and going, "Ahhhraarraaarraaarr." I realized if he was doing that, he was okay. And I should, therefore, be okay. I told him I was sorry for whacking him on the back. Then I vowed that every pen cap in the house would be removed, every tabletop would be cleaned, and the wool rug in the living room that kicks up wool balls would be vacuumed every other day. I started picturing my house as a sterile, lifeless place, akin to San Francisco's public toilets, where nothing is detachable and the whole place rinses down and disinfects itself after each use.

Time to baby-proof the house. And start some anti-anxiety medication. Between pen caps and bird flu, I'm a walking basket case.

Happy 5th month birthday, little guy. Mommy loves you more than you know.

Look who's babying now

Tom & Katie? I must say I didn't see that one coming. Yet.

Okay, still better than Kevin & Britney. Yikes.

Still reeling from Nic Cage and his wife naming their kid after Superman (Kal-el... his birth name).

By the way, I swear I don't watch E! News Live. I actually heard about Tom & Katie on The Situation Room (unfortunately, Le Wolf was out...).

And now...

OVERHEARD IN A MAJOR CHAIN STORE (WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE TARGET)

(Enter mom, six-year-old girl and baby.)

Girl: Abby is spoiled!

Mom: No she's not.

Girl: Yes, she is. She gets everything!

Mom (not making eye contact): She's a baby. She needs a lot of things right now, so I get them for her.

Girl (getting slightly screechy): See - she gets everything!

Mom (exasperated): Oh, like I didn't get you everything when you were a baby.

(End scene.)

Is this what I have to look forward to, once I double my existing child base? Hmmmm....

By the way, Abby is TOTALLY spoiled. Haha.