The laughs keep rolling in...

Neighbor comes to front door.

Neighbor: The dome light's on in your car again.

Me (sarcastically, to Colin): You wouldn't know any little boys who do that, now, do you?

Colin (not understanding sarcasm): Yes I do. I do it all the time.

------

Neighbor (above neighbor's wife) is talking to Colin.

Neighbor: Do you play nice with Sissy?

Colin: No.

Neighbor: You don't play nice with Sissy?

Colin: No, not "Sissy", it "Baby Hayden". You not speak Engwish.

-----

Neighbor is still talking to Colin.

Neighbor: Where are you going?

Colin: To Michael's, and to coffee.

Neighbor: Coffee? You're not going to drink coffee, are you? You're too young!

Colin: No, I get banina milk.

Neighbor: Oh, vanilla milk! Who drinks coffee?

Colin: Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa. But Grandpa, he not like coffee all the time. He like wine.

-----

We're listening to music, and Colin hears the opening strains of Muse's "Starlight".

Colin: Mommy, 'member this song? He say, "Far away... far away...."

Mommy: You like this song?

Colin: I do. It have a beat. You can dance to it.

-----

Colin (singing in shower): "Mais si je t'aime, si je t'aime..."

Me (to hubby): Is he singing "Habanera" from "Carmen"?

Colin blinding me with language

Um... what?

Colin: Mommy, Baby Hayden so smart. And she so pretty. She almost too young, but she smile at me.

-----

Oh well, I didn't want to discuss mochacide with a three-year-old anyway...

Colin (looking at the ceiling): Mommy, someone throw coffee beans up there!

Me (seeing brown splatters on the high ceiling): Either that or somebody's mocha exploded.

Colin: No, they want to recycle their beans.

Note: we always discuss about how - amazingly - Peet's Coffee doesn't have recycling receptacles. Perhaps he imagined an adult having some kind of fit...

No way! Waaaaay.

Overheard at the park... a preschool-aged boy shouts out to his 60-ish, foreign-born nanny.

Boy: Tina! I did it myself! For real.

Tina (bemused): "For real"?

Boy: Yeah, oh, sorry - for reals.

Happy Birthday, Jeff!

Hallowe'en cookies, thanks to Betty Crocker

Because Betty Crocker has such good allergen ingredient labelling, we were able to purchase sugar cookie mix with (relative) confidence and make some certifiably adorable Hallowe'en cookies.

A general update...

Colin has taught me a lot in the past few days.

"We don't eat dachshunds, Mommy."

"Dachshunds don't wear swimsuits, Mommy."

"There are too many kids, so there's no swings available."

"She's a baby, so she not learn."

Hayden, of course, is progressing along at her own speed - which is approximately 1.5 times the speed of her brother at the same age. She got her first tooth on 8/30, the second one popped out earlier this week, and the following day, she pulled herself to standing in her crib, inched her way over, and grabbed her mobile. Though she's not crawling yet, we're expecting her to graduate from the commando crawl any day now.

Meanwhile, I'm still about 1700 e-mails behind in my professional groups, I started back to work one day per week, and the kitchen has never looked cleaner. Bravo.

Yay Pizza Hut! (Kind of.)

Colin's going to a birthday party this weekend where Pizza Hut products will be served (as well as cake). So I went to the Pizza Hut website and quickly and easily found their allergen information under the "nutrition" link. (Why can't all companies make it this easy for me?)

So that's the "yay" part. However, turns out all of their pizza sauce might be cross-contaminated with peanuts.

It looks like I need to find a way to bring pizza and a cupcake for Colin on Saturday. Poor kid - he just kind of sighs and drops his head when there's food he can't have. Saw that face last Sunday at a family party as well. It's hard to be a kid with food allergies!

That's why they're stagnating in the job market

Colin: Squirrels can't learn Spanish, Mommy.

Me: They can't?

Colin: No, because they not watch TV.

Astute observations from a three year old

Colin: Puppies don't read books, Mommy.

Me: They don't?

Colin: No. Because I know, because they not learn.
---

Me: Look, Colin, a bug! What is it - a moth? A little cricket?

Colin: (getting down to the bug's level) Are you a cricket? (silence) No, Mommy, he not a cricket.

---

Hubby: (to me) Do you sign "milk" to Hayden?

Colin: No, Daddy, Hayden not drink milk. She drink formyuhyuh.

The White House's request

No, not that White House. This White House. More photos!

The saga of the "potty-training classroom" reaches its narrative climax....

... just after the dramatic climax, which was when I found Colin's teacher with gloves on, emptying poo into a toilet, with boys running up and down the portable hallway, and she couldn't call for help because she was one over the appropriate ratio.

Yes. Seriously.

The Powers That Be had decided that Colin's class - which is a "potty-training class" - should be moved to a room without a toilet. Previously, they had a room with a bathroom in it, protected by a Dutch door so she could monitor the kids if they felt the natural "need to go" when it wasn't the hourly potty time. But because they had enough kids in the year-old classroom to fill two rooms, they moved his class to a room in a portable where you had to leave the classroom and walk down a hallway to get to the bathrooms.

Now it doesn't take an MA in Education to know that that isn't in the best interest of the kids!

Three pediatricians agreed with me. Four other teachers agreed with me. Other parents agreed with me.

So when the Powers That Be told me that it would be "wonderful" and that "they've always done potty training in that room," I asked, "How will the teacher cover preschool curriculum if she needs to take eight kids to the bathroom every hour, plus gather everyone if one person needs to go, or has an accident?" They said, "Oh, the curriculum is going to be potty training. That's it. We want to get them in and out as fast as we can."

Colin only attends two times per week. So my child, who knows his shapes up to trapezoid, would not be getting any academic curriculum. For a long time. Because at that rate of attendance, potty training wasn't going to happen in a fortnight.

I also pointed out that, while they have always done potty training in that room, it's never been the main curriculum.

Also, they told me that the teacher "needed to learn how to manage the class" and that "legally, we could have twelve kids in there." I pointed out that we pay for a one to eight ratio, not one to twelve.

Still, they didn't budge.

They complained to the teacher that she should have "smiled and said everything was fine" when I went into the bathroom that day.

I said, "No PR job can cover up what I know as an educator. This is not your fault, [teacher's name]."

She told the Powers That Be how unreasonable the situation was. They said, "We don't have to come down there - we've done this before."

Well, she took two days off that week. The Powers That Be needed to fill in.

On Tuesday, she reported that they are providing a second teacher for her AND knocking down the wall to create an entrance to the bathroom from the classroom.

But I thought they ALWAYS did potty training in that room!

I hugged Colin's teacher. And smirked and smirked and smirked all my way out the door.

It feels so good to be.... RIGHT! (For once?)

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

I feel sick to my stomach.

I got offered a great job with a great school district with the caseload I was looking for - elementary-school aged kids.

So what's the problem?

They pay nearly $17,000 less per year than the district in which I live. That district also has a job open, but in a mild-to-moderate preschool class. Since I see preschoolers in my private practice, I was kind of looking forward to working with older kids again.

But I had a problem with getting paid $17,000 less per year. For nearly the same job.

Of course, since I'd only be part-time, the difference is less than $17,000 per year. But it's still a major difference.

I couldn't put off a decision any longer, so I called... and got HR's voicemail. So I left a voicemail and explained that the job sounded like a WONDERFUL fit except for the fact that, since my children were of daycare age and not school age, the amount offered to me wouldn't cover daycare for two kids each day. Another district could pay significantly more, so I had to consider that. I hoped, perhaps, that when my children were in school, I might re-apply if they had an opening at that time.

So I guess that's it.

(sigh)

Colin's latest word

"Japamatoes"

Which is, of course, "Japanese Maples".

Duh.

Remembering

Today's the day, eleven years ago, that the body of Jeff Buckley was found. He drowned in a tributary of the Wolf River on May 29.

I often think of his mother this time of year; can one ever really get over the death of their child, whether that child was three or thirty?

More Colin

Colin: Mommy, do you have a big spine?

Me: Yes, I do.

Colin: And Hayden, she have a small spine?

Me: Yes, that's right!

Colin: And she grow and grow. And get big as Colin.

------------

Although he confuses "rectangle" and "square", when asked to name shapes, he correctly names circle, triangle, oval, star, heart, diamond... and trapezoid. Which he calls "trapavoid". Says hubby, "Next, let's teach him 'rhombus'!"

------------

And we're trying to potty train. We should have done this before he turned two. I fear he may go to high school in Pull-Ups.

This is not going well. Day 3 and I'm ready to throw in the towel.

I am not sh*tting you

So we sat down to watch our TiVo'd "American Idol" results show. Just as Ryan Seacrest was about to announce the winner, I told my husband, "I don't think there's enough time." He's like, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, it says '1:59', so if Ryan doesn't tell us, TiVo's going to cut out." He's like, "No, it won't." I said, "It's going to be, 'David....' and then we won't know!"

So Ryan says, "The winner of American Idol is.... David..."

Ding!

TiVo cuts out.

We burst out laughing.

My husband said, "Do you know how many TiVo users who taped this are screaming, "NOOOOO!" at their TVs right now?

So I went online, naturally.

And now I know who won.

And on to tomorrow, which starts my truly favorite time of the year: "So You Think You Can Dance" premieres!

But, of course, I'm going to be at dance class.

I guess I'll have to.... TiVo it!

Coochuleta!

It's David vs. David! I wouldn't call myself a die-hard "American Idol" fan, but even this competition has my husband interested. Will it go to experience or baby-faced innocence?

Edit on Wed. 5/21: Check out Defamer's take on the battle - if even just for the title and the reader comments.

"Baby Got Back" is NOT one of the tracks

Ever since we got Colin his MP3 player for kids, he's been listening to music - at a responsible volume, at appropriate times - and remembering to turn it off when he's done. (We enjoy this now, as we're sure it will end.)

But he is very particular about his music.

I tried loading some "childreny" music on there, like the free Baby Einstein CD I had, or the "Linus and Lucy" theme... but no. Results ranged from, "Mommy, that not my song," to trying to kick the table. He only responded positively to pretty much straight-up rock and alt-rock songs... and a little R&B and Cajun music.

His current playlist includes:

"Charm Attack" by Leona Naess
"Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles
"Caring is Creepy" by the Shins
"Float On" by Modest Mouse
"Big Me" by the Foo Fighters
"J'ai vu le loup, le renard et la belette" by the Balfa Brothers
"Feel Good, Inc." by Gorillaz
"Use Me" by Bill Withers

I still need to buy a non-iTunes version of "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie - one of his favorite songs - because iTunes files won't play on the MP3 player.

Don't worry - when I was three, I doubt I would have known what "And he numbs himself with weed" meant. At that age, I was listening to the "Grease" movie soundtrack endlessly ("And no customer would go to you unless she was a hooker!"), as well as the soundtrack to the Broadway hit "A Chorus Line" (including "Dance 10, Looks 3", which has a chorus I can't even mention here, much less in polite company).

And I turned out JUST FINE!

Toddler talk RULES!

Two days ago, Colin and I had this conversation (with my name listed as "someonesmom" here for blogging purposes) as we were doing an alphabet puzzle:

Me: What's Mommy's name?

Colin: Someonesmom.

Me: That's right! What letter does "someonesmom" start with?

Colin: S!

Me: Good! What's Daddy's name?

Colin: Honey.

----------------------------

Tonight, as the sun was going down and we were in the gloaming:

Colin: No more sunshine. My eyes open, but I can't see.

----------------------------

Tonight, as we listened to Colin's new MP3 player for kids (which you can load with whatever music you want!) and the digital DJ announced the song's title:

Colin: I love "Charm Attack".

Me (as song begins to play): This song *is* "Charm Attack".

Colin: No, this song "Colin little".

I feel better

Now shall I wear shorts in public?

Thanks, Mischa!